It’s YOUR responsibility…

This past Sunday morning, I woke up with some heavy thoughts on my mind. I turned on Spotify (the awesome music program I now use) and selected my "pick me up" playlist. Every single song that came on that random playlist confirmed the thoughts God had placed on my head and heart that morning. I want to share some of the truths He has shown me thru prayer and study this week:

1. Your walk with God is YOUR responsibility. No man, woman, boy or girl can be held accountable for your relationship with Jesus. Not even your Pastor, Priest, Preacher, etc is responsible for your walk. Their job is to teach the truth and point you in the right direction, in accordance to the Word. If you are struggling, people are available to assist you, but they cannot fix the problems for you. They also do not have the power to harm your relationship with Jesus. He will never lie to you or mislead you, but humanity can and will. We, as Christians, make the decision to believe the words of others instead of the Truth. I can say all this because I have been there lately. Where I picked up a depressive spirit, I do not know. I do know that it has kept me hidden away at home instead of spending time with other believers who can encourage me and help me walk it out. I could sit back and have a pity party and blame so many people for the feelings I have been experiencing, but the truth is – JESUS is the only one who can help me correct my relationship with Him. Ultimately, He is the only One who knows every thought, motive and emotion in me. If you are not currently spending time in the Word and in prayer, it will be very difficult for you to successfully fight any battle raging in or around you. I love my friends and family, with all I am – BUT they cannot fight my battles for me. I have to take full responsibility for my walk and so do you!

2. Quiet times are less about you and more about God. This lesson has been a hard one to learn recently. I was reading through some old prayer journals recently and found a heartbreaking truth. Early in my serious chase of all things God, I would pray and journal about God's will being done in my life; being used by Him to do great things for His glory; being surrounded by people who were chasing hard after Him. But over the last year or so, my prayers became more about needing Him to get through my days. I would pray for Him to keep evil from my sight and my ears and my heart – which really aren't bad prayers to pray. EXCEPT that I wasn't praying as much for protection as I was praying that God would not force me to face it. Again, I fall back on the spiritual battle argument. Christians were called to fight against evil. Ephesians 6:12 says: For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. This scripture doesn't say "if" we fight. I cannot just sit by and hope someone else will fight my spiritual battles for me. Yes, there is power in numbers and the more people praying –the better. But you cannot expect others to fight for you if you are not willing to fight for yourself.

3. You will need to rest. Oh how I hated this "rebuke!" If you know me at all, you know that I do not often sit still. I like to go, go, go. Having anyone tell me to slow down or take a break is no bueno for me. The last 6 weeks, I have had no energy. I work, go home, watch TV, do homework and go to bed. I guess it's my body's way of making me slow down. Sunday, my Pastor introduced a topic – spiritual renewal – that absolutely rocked my world. I had no idea that I was running so close to empty in my spirit. I tweeted a comment about that message being the difference in spiritual life and death for me and I meant it. This week has been better, probably because I was willing to get on my knees before a Holy God and ask Him to renew me: mind, body and spirit. It is hard to realize that we are human and we do need rest. It is also difficult to get those around you to understand that you need a break.


I am slowly learning that it's ok:

To not always be the strong one – He is my strength
To wanna spend some time alone – He escaped the chaos and went off by himself. What makes me think I wouldn't need to do the same?
To stop and reflect – It's what allows me to go forward and not make the same mistakes.
To disagree with those I love every once in a while
To listen to Christmas music starting November 1. :)  

I hope this blog helps someone. I know I can't be the only person in the world to ever have felt these emotions…

    

"You can't live in the acceleration lane..."

Have you ever wanted to find a quiet, secluded place to hide - somewhere no one would ever find you? A place where you can be alone with your thoughts? Oh, how I desire that hidden place right now. Part of me was fearful this weekend that I was sinking into some sort of funk - an all too familiar place over the last several years. But this time seems different. I'm not sad, upset, angry, fearful or any other emotion. I am just in a place where I want to be Brandi, all by herself. Thankfully, this next weekend is the annual Garner Family Camping Trip. We escape to Cherokee, N.C. every October to spend a few days playing cards, taking walks, cooking over an open fire and just relaxing. Throughout the last several years, we have all developed very fast paced lifestyles inclusive of careers, grad school and numerous other responsibilities we all find. This year's trip could not have come at a better time.

I love my friends, more than I can express in words, but I have gotten so caught up in the lives of others that I have lost sight of what my future is suppose to look like. I don't want to talk to anyone, go anywhere, plan anything - I just want to sit and mindlessly read a book.  Guess its a good thing that Dad lets me hide by the fire for the majority of our camping trip. He's 100% content sitting in complete silence for hours at a time.

You may be thinking how odd this all sounds - since I am a relationally driven social butterfly. I can't explain it and none of it has to do with anyone. I am just ready for some down time. A good friend reminded me this afternoon that I have lived my life in the acceleration lane for many, many years.  I have never given myself the opportunity to settle into a healthy balance. I guess now is as good a time as any other.

I bet if you had known this was a rambling post with no real purpose, you would have skipped it. :)  Sometimes I'm just not 100% put together and I'm finding -That is ok. :)

Everything Changes

This week has been interesting, to say the least. I've been studying the book of Ecclesiastes and at first, I wasn't sure why. You may know the book as the one in which the "time for everything under the sun" passage is located. That's just it – SEASONS, SEASONS, SEASONS!!! It seems that every direction I have turned lately, the word "season" has been present, whether in song lyrics, scripture, sermon or the words of a person nearby. Don't get me wrong, I have always known that seasons are important in life, but never really understood God's purpose behind each of my seasons until very recently. God has allowed me to walk in some very deep valleys and stand upon some high mountain tops in the last 2 years – and if I'd let him, Satan could very easily convince me that I have failed in so many ways. For example, who, in their right mind, begs God to use them in full-time Christian ministry – gets the opportunity to do just that, and 18 months later, walks away from it??? This girl. To some, this was a failure. To me, this was God ordained and part of my story. Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 says –

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
²a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
³a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
⁴a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
⁵a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; ⁶a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
⁷a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
⁸a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Here's what I know - There are seasons in our lives, just as there are seasons in our year. Sometimes its spring and all things are new. There is noticeable growth and fruit produced. This season may bring rain – but we all know the rain is to water the ground, which aids in the process of growth. The rain that falls in our life and tries to dampen our good moods is just ways in which God wants to wash away the old in order to empower new growth. (Let's says this is the time to be born and the time to plant.) Then comes summer – we all know this season is related to fun and family time. Vacations, family reunions, excitement and rest all go hand in hand with summer. As it applies to our lives, our summer season can be a season of happiness and cause us less stress than normal. Everything seems brighter and in full bloom (maybe this is the time to break down, a time to laugh and a time to embrace.) Fall, or autumn in some places, is my absolute favorite season. Some people see this season as the beginning of a gloomy time of the year. Things die off and prepare for winter. Me – I love this time of year. It means leaves are changing to a beautiful array of colors; TN football is in full swing, bonfires are the weekend past time, and officially the weather to wear hoodies. For some, this is the time to pluck up what is planted. Spiritually – this may be the season that is the hardest. It can be the times when things seem to be stripped off. It can be a hard time – because it's a season of change. In the "fall" seasons of my life – like I am in right now – it seems like change happens at a much quicker pace than I would like; new surroundings, new people in my path, new assignments from God, new revelations. No wonder it's my favorite – I'm thankful for change. Now comes winter – a season of cold temperatures, dreary views and hibernation. People tend to get sedentary at this time of year. Thankfully, the holidays bring about a reason to be joyful. I see winter in my life as a time to rest, reflect and plan ahead for the next season. None of these seasons are bad, although some may be more difficult than others. If we look at the seasons of our life individually, they can seem like a roller coaster of all emotions – but when viewed as a whole life, it's much easier to see that God does have a plan for you and for me. Seasons can be spent in the belly of a whale or in a palace; sometimes He chooses to throw us into a prison, sometimes He brings us to the top of the mountain. The hope in all of this is that 1 – we are never alone, 2 – God has a plan, 3 – His strength is sufficient to cover our inadequacy.

"All of my life, in every season-
You are still God and I have a reason to sing.

I have a reason to worship."

-Desert Song by Hillsong

Be faithful and charge ahead, dear friend. Kneel at the cross and listen for the still small voice to direct your path.

Never Once

I did not realize it had been so long since I posted a new blog on here. I apologize. So much has transpired since my last post, I really don't know where to begin. First off, I resigned from The Gathering - purely because God has something new for me in this season of my life. I still love that church and still believe in Pastor Gene. I will be there Sunday morning, to worship my God with His people. I am back with the City of Sevierville, only now at the Events Center. It feels like coming home after being away for a long time. I wont lie and say its been easy - walking off that hill was heartbreaking. But that's what happens to you surrender completely and tell God you will go wherever He sends. We think we know His thoughts and His plans - but we have no idea. There is a song currently out by Matt Redman called "Never Once." Here are the lyrics:

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Bridge
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

I could never explain in words what this song has done fore me over the past month. A mind shift has taken place for me that has broken a lot of negative thinking off. I am reminded that God is faithful, regardless where He chooses to make us walk. He knows exactly what each of us needs in order to be the person He created us to be and do the things He called us to do. I love to sit back and see Him move among people, often undetected. I'm so thankful that never once do I ever walk alone!

Be blessed!