The dreaded "L" word...

I’ve hesitated to address this topic, but with all the discussion occurring around me, might as well step out in faith. First, let me begin by asking for your patience today. I apologize for the potential rambling that may occur in this post. When I start talking about relationships, my mind tends to wander. So, the idea for this blog came up this weekend as I was spending time with my Dad on Father’s Day. There we were, at the Smokies game, just hanging out and a comment is made about fathers being superheroes. My Dad proceeds to make a statement that he is a superhero for putting up with not having grandchildren yet. Now, in case you don’t know my father, he is an incredible man; loved and respected by most that meet him. But he has been itching for grandkids for about 5 years now. I know he’s partially kidding when he picks on me, but I also know that deep down he wants grandchildren while he’s young enough to enjoy them. Usually I brush off the comments, and state that 1. I’m not having children until I am married and 2. I am not old enough for all that yet.
Now, my circle of friends is made of up married people (young and older), single people, divorced people. I’ve watched marriages begin and I’ve seen them end. I’ve learned a lot looking in from the outside. One theme seems to stand out to me. How personally prepared are we as individuals to share our lives with others? Today in my quiet time, I came across a verse in Proverbs that struck a hard blow. Proverbs 24:27 says “Do your planning and prepare your fields before building your house.” How true is it that often we jump into situations before truly preparing ourselves for them? We do not look before we leap. We make decisions based on emotions instead of facts. I have been known to do all of these things; but as I have grown in my faith and my knowledge of Christ, my decision making process has slowed and matured. I now find myself seeking council, from the Lord and from others whom I look up to and respect. I tend to weigh options more carefully. This all flows into my dating life as well (or the lack thereof).

There have been times in my life when I spent my time and energy on people just because they were “there;” BAD IDEA, because I am always the one to get hurt. There have been two men in my life that I can honestly say I was in love with; one I met in college and one since him. There have been several infatuations, but we all know those fade. The reoccurring issue in each “relationship” was that I was going to have to change my beliefs, morals, standards, etc in order for them to work out. Call me stubborn or hard headed, but I was not and am still not willing to do that. I have always believed that love shouldn’t take over life, it should enhance life. I shouldn’t have to change my views on sex, God, family, or anything else in order for someone to love me. I think about how impatient I get being single. The people I went to school with, high school and college, are all getting married and having babies and it’s hard not to feel like I’ve been overlooked or forgotten. Sometimes the bitterness sweeps in and takes over and I begin to feel like I’m unworthy of love and that I somehow missed something on the pathway to where I am. But then I remember that God promises me that He has a plan for my life. There is no way I could be involved in the ministry God allows me to do, work full time, be a mom, be a wife, be a daughter, be a sister and still keep my sanity. I, personally, am just not ready for all that. I hope to be someday. I don’t want to settle for whatever I can find. I want to be with a Man of God; someone who reads his bible and spends time in prayer every day, someone who makes it a priority to be in the House of God every week, someone who wants to serve in the Kingdom. I want a relationship with a man who is an encourager, who doesn’t have to be right all the time, who wants to be used by God. Men like this have to exist somewhere because God created man in His own image. I will be patient and I will wait upon the Lord. He provides for all my needs. I trust Him.

God knew my beginning and He knows my end. I rest in Him, knowing that His plans for me are good. (Jeremiah 29:11). I am learning to find peace during this time in my life. I know that He is using this season to shape me into the woman He wants me to be. Life lessons are being taught through His word, through His prophets, through my worship. I am growing in my faith and in my walk with Him. He's teaching me to be a leader and that He has given me the chance to lead others into His presence. There is no logical reason why the people around me should be following me or listening to a word I say, but God has given me the authority to encourage others and stand in the gap.

Be encouraged where you are in life. May your day be filled with joy and love! Hug someone today :)
Through Him ~BG~

The "Weight" of the Matter

I have always thought myself to be strong. I have never been one to falter in my decisions or beliefs based on the opinions of those around me. Some might say I am strong-willed... others might say stubborn. Lately, I have found myself getting caught up in societies criticism of the female body. More than ever, people are going crazy about their weight / looks. Now, I know I could stand to lose a few pounds and I recognize this. But, for the most part, I am happy with the way I look. I am enjoying working out and getting back in shape, but I am not going to starve myself. I've been exercising faithfully 4 times a week for 6 weeks now and haven't lost one single pound. But that is OK! I recently read a devotion entitled " God-size Eyes." Rocked my world! This was exactly what I needed at this time in my life. God is so faithful and on time! This study talked about how the incredible women in the Bible are referred to as beautiful, but are never described. We never are told what makes them beautiful physically. We are told that Sarah had beautiful countenance and Rebekah was beautiful to behold. Were these women thin, blonde, short? Were they blue eyed, heavy set, tall? We don't know. We do know that these women were incredible in their love of God. They were known for their actions that exhibited Christ.

Do we, as women, take this seriously these days? Why are we so worried about our hair color, our pant size, our extra 10 lbs...yet not worried at all that our friends, family, coworkers, and the strangers we meet are not seeing the love of Jesus in us? Wanna hear something sad? My quiet time every morning isn't too much longer than the amount of time I spend in the gym everyday! What if we took more time becoming spiritually beautiful and less time physically beautiful? After all, God knows our beginnings and our endings. He promises to fill our needs. I was reading in Romans this week and this morning just happened upon these verses... Romans 14: 17-18 For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. If you serve Christ with this attitude, you will please God, and others will approve of you, too. What a wonderful promise!!
There is something to be said about keeping His temple (our bodies) pure and holy. And we are told that gluttony is a sin. There has to be a happy median. When I find myself spending more time calculating calories or scheduling workout time than I do on my knees in prayer and reading my bible and eagerly
seeking His face, something is wrong. We, as women, seek approval from the world around us...instead of seeking our Creator's will for us. I have spent a lot of time praying over this particular issue and I keep hearing the same answer "I created you. Find your peace in Me." I am fearfully and wonderfully made by the same God who created this entire world. I am just as important to Him as anyone else; big, little, fat, skinny, black, white, brown, short, tall.... My Father knows the number of hairs on my head, knows my thoughts and motives, sees every tear, feels every heartbreak. He knows that my desire is to live a life that honors Him, heavy or not. My prayer this week is that my motives are pure in everything I do. I seek to know His will for my life and do not want to leave that path. I know He has great things in store for me.
May your week be full of revelation! May you hear Him calling your name. Sit in His presence, seek His will.
Spiritually Spanked! ~BG~

conversations

It’s been a while since I have posted here. So much has taken place. I don’t know if anyone really reads this blog or not, but it is very helpful for me to express the lessons, struggles, joys, and other events in my life. Today’s post might prove to be difficult, not only to write but maybe even to read.
Some friends and I have been discussing topics recently that I think I will share. A conversation came up about inadequacy. It seems I am not the only person in the world who feels this way CONSTANTLY. We talked about how it seems that no matter what one does well, there is always some standard that isn’t being met, be it professionally, relationally, financially, etc. Often I forget what the Word of God says in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. “ How in the world do I let the lies of the enemy infiltrate this promise? I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. He does not make mistakes, yet I allow the comments and actions of others tear me down and I allow the feelings of inferiority fall over me. I have a hard time finding that “right where I am meant to be” place. I am 25, unmarried, working in a job I didn’t go to school for (but really enjoy), and watching everyone around me live the life they have always desired. Don’t misunderstand me, I am truly blessed. I have amazing friends, a great family, my basic needs met. I have everything I could need. But I want something more. I want to know that when I leave this earth, I have made a kingdom sized impact! I pray that God has something more in store for me and that He gives me the patience to wait on His timing and His ways. It’s when I start trying to make things happen that everything gets messed up.
Something else that came up is our Christian walks. When people see us, do they see Christ in us? God is patient, am I? Jesus would help those in need, do I? Christ would encourage those around Him, do I? Do I truly exemplify what a Christian should be? I hear so many unbelievers talk about what hypocrites Christians are. My answer is always this….” I may be a follower of Christ, but I am not perfect. “I love how Carol Wimmer puts it in her poem “When I say, ‘I am a Christian.’ ” When I say, “I am a Christian,” I’m not shouting “I've been saved!” I’m whispering, “I get lost! That's why I chose this way.” When I say, “I am a Christian,” I don’t speak with human pride. I’m confessing that I stumble - needing God to be my guide. When I say, “I am a Christian” I’m not trying to be strong I’m professing that I’m weak and pray for strength to carry on. When I say, “I am a Christian,” I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt. When I say, “I am a Christian,” I don't think I know it all. I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught. When I say, “I am a Christian,” I’m not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I’m worth it When I say, “I am a Christian,” I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartache, which is why I seek His name When I say, “I am a Christian,” I do not wish to judge. I have no authority -- I only know I’m loved.
What more needs to be said? I try to be forgiving, nurturing, encouraging, and a voice of truth; someone who stands in the gap for others. . I want to be a person who others seek out when they need prayer or help. Someday I will stand before Christ and give an account for my motives and for my works. I want to be able to say; “I did all I could.” I was convicted during our services at church this weekend that I do not attempt to tell unbelievers about God. I stay within my comfy group of believers, when the reality is that there are people dying and going to hell for eternity constantly. It is my responsibility to live a life that makes people ask “what is different about her.”
I say all this hoping to get one point across…. God is good. He loves me, even when I don’t love myself. He believes in me, even when I feel like a failure. He has a plan for my life, even when I feel inadequate. He is everything I will ever need. Because beyond everything else, I am a child of God!
May you have peace today! In His name ~BG~