Wherever He leads...

As 2010 draws to a close, I sit here and ponder where the last year has gone? It seems like just yesterday, my closest friends and I were piled up in the Shelton house celebrating the final hours of 2009. And now, as I sit here watching the finale of The Sing Off, I’m absolutely astounded at what this year has meant to me. After 18 months of intense, face to floor prayer, God counted me worthy to enter full time Christian ministry. Walking away from the safety and security of a government career was difficult, but I can honestly say it was worth it. The last nine months have not been easy, actually harder than anything else I’ve ever done. I’ve experienced heartache like never before, betrayal that no one deserves, and loneliness I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At the same time, I’ve been stretched and challenged to become a better me. I’ve made new friends that I don’t know how I ever lived without and walked away from others that proved more harmful than good.

When praying for direction in what God wanted me to take away from this year, I stumbled upon a message from TD Jakes entitled “The Glory is on the Floor.” In his sermon, he talked about the washing of the disciples’ feet by Jesus before His crucifixion. Before He began, He laid aside His garments and He got down on the floor. He humbled Himself before the men who served Him. He washed off the dust of where they had been. He cleansed them from their past. I was rebuked in my spirit, wondering how many times in my life have I asked God to move me on, despite my past? How often do I lay down a burden, only to pick it right back up again? Why do I allow the fear of my past to restrict my future? When I accepted God’s gift of salvation and determined to live my life for Him, He washed my feet. He knocked off all the dirt of past roads I’d walked and allowed me to enter my new life clean. The hardest lesson I learned in 2010 was that He does count me worthy. That nothing in my past hinders His love for me. He created me for a specific reason, with certain gifts and talents, to serve a special purpose. As I get stronger in my spirit, He shows me who I am in Him. I can’t earn His grace or His love.

As I walk towards 2011, with a renewed spirit, I wait expectantly for what God has in store. I pray He will guide each step, I beg Him to teach me more, and I lay my life at His feet to be used anyway He sees fit. Will 2011 take me to a new state or country? Will 2011 be the year God introduces me to my significant other? I have no idea, but I know who does and I trust Him. God gave me a verse, as I wrote this blog. Isaiah 30:21 says - Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” 
whether to the right or to the left. I will praise Him, I will worship Him, I will trust Him, I will believe Him…Wherever He leads, I’ll go.

Be blessed as you reflect on this past year. I pray 2011 brings revelation to your mind, forgiveness to your heart, and joy to your spirit.

Where does my help come from?

...I fall to my knees and pray to the Father the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Ephesians 3:14-20 NLT

I can't even begin to explain to you what has taken place in and around me throughout the last 2 weeks. In staff devotions recently, Pastor Gene challenged us to pray the above scripture for 40 days. All I can say is be careful what you ask for. I can admit that the transition to full time ministry has not been an easy one for me. I have struggled to find the balance between "work" and life. Even Jesus took time to be alone, and I can honestly admit I haven't been taking that time. I took this past week off from work and just spent time with friends and family. I made every attempt possible to avoid email and worrying about what was taking place at work. It was nice. More than ever, I feel that there is going to be a new chapter in my life beginning soon. God is preparing me for something, I am just not sure what it is yet. But I believe HIS timing and that HIS will are perfect. Something so interesting happened to me last week that just adds to the speculation about my future. A couple of weeks ago, I was on the verge of breakdown and I just sat and poured out my heart to God. I journaled all these questions that I had about several topics. ***sidenote - I know some people have opinions on asking God questions, but I truly believe God wants to hear me confess that I am upset, hurt, and misunderstanding the world around me.***So, as a staff we have been reading a book entitled RADICAL by David Platt. I kid you not that within the first 5 chapters, just about every question I cried out to God was written in that book and answered. Talk about divine providence! From here, I press on. I continue to read the WORD and soak it all in. I continue to cry out to a HOLY GOD. I continue to walk the path HE has laid before me. HE has called me out and set me apart. Who knows what my future holds? HE does, so its HIM I will follow.

He makes all things new...

I feel like I should apologize for being nonexistent recently. I mentally and emotionally prepared myself for my entrance into full time ministry, or so I thought. The previous 3 ½ months have been a huge testing period for me. I never could have been 100% ready for what I walked into, but am certain I would not change a single day of it. I have found an environment that constantly challenges me and stretches my abilities. I am learning more and more each day.
Lets talk about what my latest lesson has been…Sometimes the people in my life are not meant to be there for long. God has allowed me to purge people from my life that may not be heading the same direction as myself; people who leave more negative than positive in their wake; people who liked the old me more than the new me. It’s been a hard transition, but the people who are still around truly care about me and encourage me on a daily basis. The jury is still out on some, but it won’t be long until I know. Sometimes it’s difficult to watch people you love walk out of your life, but I can say I have no regrets. I have given up the imaginary control I once thought I had over my life. Everyday, I challenge myself to do one thing that will make a positive impact on the world around me. I’m tired of living a life of mediocrity, of being afraid to challenge the norm. Nothing about me is normal, by the world’s standards. I am 26, not married, not actively dating, and not worried about it. I left a steady career in local government to pursue my call to full-time ministry. I would rather curl up on the couch, or in bed, with a book than go shopping. And to be honest, I am done making excuses for all of it. For the most part, I love my new life. Could some improvement take place? Of course, but I AM content and I AM getting better, smarter, stronger, more courageous, more trusting, more faithful.


***Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.***Proverbs 4:23

Let the Redeemed of the Lord...

...say so! First, I apologize that it has been so long since my previous post. I have been settling into the new career and haven't had too much time to blog. Ya'll, ministry is WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT for me! Day in and day out, I get to be a part of a TEAM who has the Kingdom on its mind. Every single thing we do has the potential to change some one's life for eternity. Let me share a moment with you that rocked my world last night...
On Wednesday nights, our church (The Gathering) is PRAYING! 500 people are meeting on that hillside, calling on the name of Jesus. This week, we did a prayer walk. We all walked around the campus, and inside the building, praying for our Easter services...begging God to changes lives, restore marriages, repair children, redeem the lost. My friend, Andrea, and I prayed over our stage and alter. I was mid-prayer and I absolutely broke down. (I know, I cry easily) but I was absolutely humbled and broken that I have been chosen and set apart for the Kingdom's work, all the days of my life. I knew 2 years ago that I would one day be in full-time ministry but I never imagined it would be at The Gathering. I just realized how much I've grown over recent years and how much my life has changed. God continues to show me that there is a call on my life...far more important than what I know. I pray everyday that God would not leave me the same...I want Him to continually grow me up!

This weekend is Easter...Resurrection Sunday...My FAVORITE day of the year. Want to know why? Because 2000 years ago, Jesus Christ died on a cross....2000 years ago, Jesus Christ was raised from the dead... 2000 years ago, the enemy was defeated.Oh, THE CROSS! I know that many people see the cross as a sad reminder of the pain Christ suffered. I see the cross as a place of redemption, forgiveness, grace, love, power, and majesty. Christ knew, when He humbled Himself and came to be born in a manger, that He would die for us. It was the plan all along. Yet, for 33 years He walked this planet. He healed, He taught, He chose, He Gave. He was the ultimate example of what we are to try to be. I know that I will never compare to Him... nor will I ever be able to reach the people He did. But I can LOVE with all I have, I can GIVE with reckless abandon, I can TEACH the people around me about Him, I can CHOSE to live each day with a purpose. My life has meaning.... there is a plan for me.

All this, just to say that I hope this year, you find your way to, not just church, but into the presence of a HOLY GOD!

Knees to the Earth....

Well, the countdown is on; 3 more days at my current job, 5 more days until I start my new one. I don’t have the words to describe what kind of thoughts and emotions are running through me this week. I am excited, humbled, nervous, joyful, and so much more, all at once.
Let me take you back to August 2008 – this will enable me to tell you the whole story. So, there I sat in the old gym where The Gathering used to meet. Pastor Gene was delivering a message about full-time ministry. He talked about the call that God places on some people’s life. The entire service I could not sit still. Let me set the stage for you…I usually sat with the same group of people and I usually went to the 9 am service (we had 5 services back then!). That particular week was different. I went to the 10:30am service and I sat by myself. God knew what He was doing. So, alone I sat and the Holy Spirit was rocking my world. Pastor Gene gave an alter call for those who were being called by God into full-time ministry. I couldn’t get up fast enough and by the time I got near that alter, I had lost complete control of my emotions and to my knees I fell. I just laid there and begged God to use me. I confessed that I knew I had a disobedient past, that I was wretched and deserved a place in hell…not the grace of an Almighty God. But He promised me at that alter that He would not leave me the same. That He was preparing me for something so much greater than I imagined and that if I would trust Him, my life would be forever changed. If I had only known….
So here I sit, 18 months later, gearing up for the transition into full-time ministry. The story gets so much better, though. In December, during my quiet time, God had impressed upon me that beginning January 4, 2010 I would begin a fast. I won’t go into the details, they are still too private, but I knew that those 40 days would forever change my walk with Him. Little did I know, but He was about to give me a new assignment; one that will completely alter my world. Those who know me, spiritually, know that this is exactly what I was called to do.
People ask me if I am scared or worried, and my answer to them all is “no.” I know who is in control of my life, and it’s not me. All I would do is screw everything up. It’s one thing to say “God leads my path” and it’s another to walk that out. I didn’t realize back in 2008 just how much work He was going to do in me. I can look back over the years and see how every struggle and every valley was meant to strengthen, challenge, and prepare me for this one step. I look forward to the opportunity to make a Kingdom sized impact on this world. Today, I am standing on the promise of Proverbs 3:6 ~ in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

“Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high. Be treasured here, be glorified. I owe my life to you, O Lord, here I am.”

It's Official!...

I guess since the offer has officially been extended and accepted, I can now inform you all that I am leaving the City of Sevierville. I have been given the opportunity to work full-time at my church. I have prayed for almost a year and a half for the opportunity to walk into full-time ministry, and in God’s timing, March 14, 2010 will be my first day. No words can explain to you how excited I am to be walking the path God has paved for me. Some have questioned my certainty in this transition, many have congratulated me, and several are so excited, you’d think they were making the move. :) I want to put all your minds at ease that I know what I’m doing. God called me, August of 2008, to full-time ministry and I’ve been patiently waiting on the doors to open ever since. Anyone who walks with me knows that this is the desire of my heart. It may be not be a wise decision by earthly standards, but I know, without a doubt, that this is the right decision for me. I walk into this knowing that ministry is not all rosy and perfect. I know that hard days are ahead, but I also know that I am not doing it alone. Every day, I wake up and the first words out of my mouth are “God, this is your day. Do with it what you will. Use me anyway you can.” That prayer will not change. I will need His guidance and His strength more now, than ever before. I covet your prayers as I walk this new road. I leave you, today, with this verse: Philippians 1:20 ~ For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die.

May you be blessed and encouraged today! God still uses broken people!

Joyful, Joyful...

I awoke this morning with joy in my heart, like I haven’t felt in a LONG time. I am usually a happy person by nature, most call me “bubbly” but today, something is different. What? I do not know. All I can tell you is that I’ve had a song in my heart all morning. I’m sure my co-workers hear me singing “Joyful, joyful Lord we adore Thee. God of glory, Lord of love. Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee. Hail Thee as the sun above. Melt the clouds of sin and sadness; drive the dark of doubt away. Giver of immortal gladness, fill us with the light of day” as I’m riding the elevator, not that I’m willing to apologize. Have you ever woken up one morning, and not knowing why, just couldn’t quit smiling? Well, that’s me today.
A lot of things are happening in my life. God is opening doors like never before. I’ve always struggled with knowing my purpose for this one life I’ve been given. Since Jan 4, this question is being answered little by little. I have never been one to doubt that when I confess, “Lord, send me” or “Lord, use me.” It’s a scary prayer to send up, but I promise that if you are willing to be used by God, He will use you. He’s pulled the hedge back and allowed me to walk in places and with people I never would have dreamed. He’s given me influence and has trusted me with His people.
Learning discipline and obedience has not been an easy road for me, but God is faithful. Every time I think I can’t go one more step, I feel an encouraging nudge. I’ve been stretched financially, relationally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually over the last 3 years and I’m sure there is more to come. But for once in my life, I’m not afraid of the future. I don’t feel haunted by my past. I feel like a new me… complete surrender feels good.

2010 is off and running...

I went to dinner with one of the greatest people God ever created last night... Crystal Bott. We spend a lot of time together, but its usually in the gym or at church. So, we decided to go have dinner (with a gift card I got for my birthday..thanks Nicole!) and catch up. It amazes me that 2010 is only 15 days old, but so much is going on. God is working in both of us, like He never has. Both of us were able to share just minimal details, and for the sake of privacy, I will be even more vague. If God continues to move in our lives for the rest of the year like He has over the past 2 weeks, 2010 will prove to be the single most incredible and defining year for each of us.

As I walk down this new path, I can just feel the anointing fall. God has placed burdens on my heart before, but never like the one I'm walking through now. I am learning more and more about focus, discipline, obedience and faith. But I am also reaping rewards I never dreamed of. I don't know why God called me to be a leader or why He gifted me in music. I know not why I tend to find favor where I least imagine it. But I can say I am seeking His face above all else. Nothing is more important to me than knowing I am right where I was created to be. He is enough for me; enough love, grace, strength, support, encouragement.

I will do several things this year that I have never done before. I will run a 5k. I will read 100 books. I will continue to watch my debt dwindle. But I will not do any of it alone. I am blessed, more so than I would have believed when I began this walk with Christ. I may not be thin, I may not be wealthy, I may not be ubersuccessful, I may not be married...I may not be what the world would like me to be... BUT let me tell you, I am the daughter of THE KING! I was created in His image. I am called to His purpose. I trust His way 100% more than I trust my own. and I will be content in that. I dare any of you to challenge these views.... I am fired up! Be blessed today and more importantly, be a blessing today. Someone needs your smile, your hug, your laugh....

Healing Sands by Nancy Rue and Stephen Arterburn

Ryan Coe is angry…at the world, at her ex-husband, with her job and with herself. She’s a photojournalist who spent the last year in Africa, but moves to New Mexico to be near her sons. Healing Sands tells of the need for one to release their pain, anger, and disappoint to the One who is able to conquer it all. Sometimes we must surrender to God before we can take another step.
While my friends and family seemed to enjoy this book, I could not seem to get interested. It did not grip me and keep my attention and was more of a chore to complete. I hope it proves to be a better read for you.

2010 100+ Reading Challange updated 2/2/2010

Below is my list of books sitting on my shelf to begin my 100 + book challange for 2010 and the date I finish them. If you have any suggestions of books you think I should read, please comment with book title and author. :) Happy reading!

1. Aint She Sweet? by Susan Elizabeth Phillips 1/8/2010
2. Leave It To Claire by Tracey Bateman 1/14/2010
3. Handle With Care by Jodi Picoult 1/21/2010
4. Perfect by Harry Klaus, MD 2/2/2010
5. What Difference Do It Make by Ron Hall, Denver Moore, and Lynn Vincent
6. Vision in White by Nora Roberts
7. Mirror, Mirror by Judy Baer

Bring it on 2010!

As this new year begins, I am full of new dreams and the possibility of new opportunities. 2009 is gone, along with all its heartaches and all its trials. I spent New Year's Eve/ Day with some fantastic friends. We rang in the new year standing in the Shelton living room with some sparkling cider after having a night FULL of laughter, dance dance revolution, some horrible UT football, and a runaway camera. I wouldn't trade that night, EVER. Thank you Tassie, Jesse, Crystal, Jared, Alicia, Brent, and Adam for making the 2009 B's birthday/NYE Bash such a fun time. What would I do without you all? Jan 1 found Crystal, Jesse, Tassie and I huddled in the living room once more, watching the entire 1st season of GLEE on DVD! Wahoo. I can't help but think how incredibly blessed I am. If 2010 turns out anything like the 1st weekend did, this might be the best year of my life.

2009 was, no doubt, a hard year for me. With the loss of 3 family members, I experienced more heartache in 1 year than the previous 25 years combined, not to mention my brother being deployed to Iraq. But 2009 also brought new friends (some of which I'm not sure how I ever survived without) and restored friendships with old ones. I am excited to see what the new year brings, but I am also reminded that God's mercies are new each morning and that each day brings about newness of life. What are your most memorable moments in 2009? What are you most looking forward to in 2010?