It’s YOUR responsibility…

This past Sunday morning, I woke up with some heavy thoughts on my mind. I turned on Spotify (the awesome music program I now use) and selected my "pick me up" playlist. Every single song that came on that random playlist confirmed the thoughts God had placed on my head and heart that morning. I want to share some of the truths He has shown me thru prayer and study this week:

1. Your walk with God is YOUR responsibility. No man, woman, boy or girl can be held accountable for your relationship with Jesus. Not even your Pastor, Priest, Preacher, etc is responsible for your walk. Their job is to teach the truth and point you in the right direction, in accordance to the Word. If you are struggling, people are available to assist you, but they cannot fix the problems for you. They also do not have the power to harm your relationship with Jesus. He will never lie to you or mislead you, but humanity can and will. We, as Christians, make the decision to believe the words of others instead of the Truth. I can say all this because I have been there lately. Where I picked up a depressive spirit, I do not know. I do know that it has kept me hidden away at home instead of spending time with other believers who can encourage me and help me walk it out. I could sit back and have a pity party and blame so many people for the feelings I have been experiencing, but the truth is – JESUS is the only one who can help me correct my relationship with Him. Ultimately, He is the only One who knows every thought, motive and emotion in me. If you are not currently spending time in the Word and in prayer, it will be very difficult for you to successfully fight any battle raging in or around you. I love my friends and family, with all I am – BUT they cannot fight my battles for me. I have to take full responsibility for my walk and so do you!

2. Quiet times are less about you and more about God. This lesson has been a hard one to learn recently. I was reading through some old prayer journals recently and found a heartbreaking truth. Early in my serious chase of all things God, I would pray and journal about God's will being done in my life; being used by Him to do great things for His glory; being surrounded by people who were chasing hard after Him. But over the last year or so, my prayers became more about needing Him to get through my days. I would pray for Him to keep evil from my sight and my ears and my heart – which really aren't bad prayers to pray. EXCEPT that I wasn't praying as much for protection as I was praying that God would not force me to face it. Again, I fall back on the spiritual battle argument. Christians were called to fight against evil. Ephesians 6:12 says: For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. This scripture doesn't say "if" we fight. I cannot just sit by and hope someone else will fight my spiritual battles for me. Yes, there is power in numbers and the more people praying –the better. But you cannot expect others to fight for you if you are not willing to fight for yourself.

3. You will need to rest. Oh how I hated this "rebuke!" If you know me at all, you know that I do not often sit still. I like to go, go, go. Having anyone tell me to slow down or take a break is no bueno for me. The last 6 weeks, I have had no energy. I work, go home, watch TV, do homework and go to bed. I guess it's my body's way of making me slow down. Sunday, my Pastor introduced a topic – spiritual renewal – that absolutely rocked my world. I had no idea that I was running so close to empty in my spirit. I tweeted a comment about that message being the difference in spiritual life and death for me and I meant it. This week has been better, probably because I was willing to get on my knees before a Holy God and ask Him to renew me: mind, body and spirit. It is hard to realize that we are human and we do need rest. It is also difficult to get those around you to understand that you need a break.


I am slowly learning that it's ok:

To not always be the strong one – He is my strength
To wanna spend some time alone – He escaped the chaos and went off by himself. What makes me think I wouldn't need to do the same?
To stop and reflect – It's what allows me to go forward and not make the same mistakes.
To disagree with those I love every once in a while
To listen to Christmas music starting November 1. :)  

I hope this blog helps someone. I know I can't be the only person in the world to ever have felt these emotions…