conversations

It’s been a while since I have posted here. So much has taken place. I don’t know if anyone really reads this blog or not, but it is very helpful for me to express the lessons, struggles, joys, and other events in my life. Today’s post might prove to be difficult, not only to write but maybe even to read.
Some friends and I have been discussing topics recently that I think I will share. A conversation came up about inadequacy. It seems I am not the only person in the world who feels this way CONSTANTLY. We talked about how it seems that no matter what one does well, there is always some standard that isn’t being met, be it professionally, relationally, financially, etc. Often I forget what the Word of God says in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. “ How in the world do I let the lies of the enemy infiltrate this promise? I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by God. He does not make mistakes, yet I allow the comments and actions of others tear me down and I allow the feelings of inferiority fall over me. I have a hard time finding that “right where I am meant to be” place. I am 25, unmarried, working in a job I didn’t go to school for (but really enjoy), and watching everyone around me live the life they have always desired. Don’t misunderstand me, I am truly blessed. I have amazing friends, a great family, my basic needs met. I have everything I could need. But I want something more. I want to know that when I leave this earth, I have made a kingdom sized impact! I pray that God has something more in store for me and that He gives me the patience to wait on His timing and His ways. It’s when I start trying to make things happen that everything gets messed up.
Something else that came up is our Christian walks. When people see us, do they see Christ in us? God is patient, am I? Jesus would help those in need, do I? Christ would encourage those around Him, do I? Do I truly exemplify what a Christian should be? I hear so many unbelievers talk about what hypocrites Christians are. My answer is always this….” I may be a follower of Christ, but I am not perfect. “I love how Carol Wimmer puts it in her poem “When I say, ‘I am a Christian.’ ” When I say, “I am a Christian,” I’m not shouting “I've been saved!” I’m whispering, “I get lost! That's why I chose this way.” When I say, “I am a Christian,” I don’t speak with human pride. I’m confessing that I stumble - needing God to be my guide. When I say, “I am a Christian” I’m not trying to be strong I’m professing that I’m weak and pray for strength to carry on. When I say, “I am a Christian,” I’m not bragging of success. I’m admitting that I've failed and cannot ever pay the debt. When I say, “I am a Christian,” I don't think I know it all. I submit to my confusion asking humbly to be taught. When I say, “I am a Christian,” I’m not claiming to be perfect. My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I’m worth it When I say, “I am a Christian,” I still feel the sting of pain. I have my share of heartache, which is why I seek His name When I say, “I am a Christian,” I do not wish to judge. I have no authority -- I only know I’m loved.
What more needs to be said? I try to be forgiving, nurturing, encouraging, and a voice of truth; someone who stands in the gap for others. . I want to be a person who others seek out when they need prayer or help. Someday I will stand before Christ and give an account for my motives and for my works. I want to be able to say; “I did all I could.” I was convicted during our services at church this weekend that I do not attempt to tell unbelievers about God. I stay within my comfy group of believers, when the reality is that there are people dying and going to hell for eternity constantly. It is my responsibility to live a life that makes people ask “what is different about her.”
I say all this hoping to get one point across…. God is good. He loves me, even when I don’t love myself. He believes in me, even when I feel like a failure. He has a plan for my life, even when I feel inadequate. He is everything I will ever need. Because beyond everything else, I am a child of God!
May you have peace today! In His name ~BG~